What It's Like

[Everlast, What It's Like]

You're tellin' stories about the man livin' down the street
His eyes are funny, he keeps to himself, and he's kind of a creep
You look him up on the internet, see he's on some list
But that don't tell his whole story, and there's the twist

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like

See, Mary had sex with Tom because they were in love
Her parents had a problem with that, confronted Tom, and push came to shove
Hearts were broken, charges filed, and police called
'Cause he's 18, she's only 16, and that's the law
Now he's out of jail and trying hard to find some work
They call him "monster", call him "pedo", and call him "pervert"

God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in his shoes
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to sing the blues
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like

It'll make a proud man beg, make a good man sin, make a tough man cry
When you can't win, make you wanna cash in, and so you start to lie

Just to survive, you'll do anything, and that's a fact

Life on the list is like living death; there's no way back

Down to your last dime, you're out of time because you followed your heart

You know it never ends, you've got no friends, and nowhere to start...

So, here comes Max, he knows the "facts", says he's got the cure
"Cut off his dick, 'cause he makes me sick, keep our children pure!"
Late one night, he looks up the list, and loses his head
He's on run, 'cause he grabbed his gun; now Tom is dead
Now Tom's wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of this pain
Others call Max a hero when he's really a zero, and that's a shame

God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
Then you really might know what it's like
To have to lose...

Not On Any List

It's a well documented fact that those convicted of sex crimes have the lowest recidivism rate of any class of offender, save those convicted of murder. In fact, 95% of all sex crimes are committed by someone who is not on any registry.

If you want to find the person most likely to commit a sexual assault on someone, don't waste your time searching the Sex Offender registry - you only have to look at your Federal Government:

Rachel Maddow smacked Jim DeMint (Big-R) with some reality on NBC’s Meet the Press Sunday. According to DeMint, women like being forced to have mandated ultrasounds before undergoing an abortion procedure.

MSNBC host Rachel Maddow explained that ultrasounds, contrary to what DeMint said, are not free and they are forced by the state.

She said, “So it’s an invasive vaginal forced procedure that a woman cannot say no to by order of the state government, and that is all right with you. I understand that. You feel that you’ve got an interest strong enough to override a woman’s desire to not have that happen to her that you can insist that it does as a Legislator. But most American women I think are going to balk at that."

DeMint was not swayed, and continued to insist that women want forced ultrasounds. Rapists also insist their victim wanted ‘it’.

Full story and video at the [story link].

The Wall

I'm woven in a fantasy
I can't believe the things I see
The path that I have chosen
Has led me to a wall
And with each passing day
I feel a little more
Like something dear was lost

It rises now before me
A dark and silent barrier between
All I am
And all that I would ever want to be
It's just a travesty
Towering
Marking off the boundaries my spirit
Would erase

To pass beyond is what I seek
I fear that I may be too weak
And those are few
Who've seen it through
To glimpse the other side
The promised land is waiting
Like a maiden
That is soon to be a bride

The moment is a masterpiece
The weight of indecision's in the air
It's standing there
The symbol and the sum of all that's me
It's just a travesty
Towering
Blocking out the light and blinding me
I want to see

Gold and diamonds cast a spell
It's not for me, I know it well
The riches that I seek
Are waiting on the other side
There's more that I can measure
In the treasure of the love that I can find

And though it's always been with me
I must tear down the wall and let it be
All I am
And all that I was ever meant to be
In harmony
Shining true and smiling back
At all who wait to cross
There is no loss

Useless

If you haven't been following the exchange between Sabrina Fitzgerald-Ruiz and me over in the comments section of my post "Facts Matter", please take a few moments to look.

As I said there, the point of looking up her information wasn't to terrorize her or make her afraid, but to get her to understand just what it's like for families like mine and the 750,000+ registrants in the United States. It took me all of 15 minutes of slightly motivated searching to dig up all of that information, and it didn't cost me a dime. Every bit of what I gleaned was publicly shared, albeit over widely disconnected sources - nothing like the "one stop shopping" of the registry.

Ever since the murder of Gary Blanton, my wife has lived in fear of someone knocking on our door and killing me, or of a drive-by shooting of our house. Because I am forced to work for myself doing odd jobs and selling things on Craigslist, she worries every time I leave the house to meet a customer - is it legitimate, or is this the time that it turns out to be a trap designed to lure me so I can be killed?

This is not a way to live. This is not living. This is not being a productive member of society. And yet, this is the life we force registrants into, and when they fail and fall back on crime (theft, robbery, drug dealing) just to survive, they become the worst of the worst, the serial criminal who cannot be reformed. It is a system set up to fail.

After I brought all of Sabrina's information to light, she immediately locked down her Facebook and other profiles, and changed her cover photo on Facebook, most likely as a commentary on our exchange and the realization of just how exposed she really is.

I would disagree, Sabrina. You are not a bad example. You are human.

Priorities

Today, two stories broke that caught my interest. The first made headlines across the internet and rallied celebrities to its cause.

Predictably, and quite understandably, this is being portrayed as a LGBT rights issue - but the truth is, she is but the most visible of the thousands of young people charged with a Romeo & Juliet crime every year, whose lives are made infinitely more difficult by being forced to register as a sex offender.

If you support the petition (link to petition), consider this: you can't support dropping the prosecution of Kaitlyn without also supporting the dropping of prosecution and removal from the registry of the thousands who found themselves in statutory situations. Either love is right all the time, or it's wrong. Sadly, there's no passionate celebrity contributions or calls for clemency in their cases - just prosecution and a life on the registry. If you speak up for Kaitlyn (and I hope you do), won't you also speak up for those others?

The other story (story link) involved a 911 operator telling a woman who was about to be sexually assaulted in her own apartment by an ex-boyfriend who was in the process of breaking in that she didn't have any officers available to send to help her due to budget cuts.

 

On the one hand (and on one side of the country) we have the manpower and resources to prosecute a teenager for having a relationship with a younger teenager. On the other hand (and on the other side of the country), we don't have enough police officers to prevent an actual sexual assault (that could have quickly escalated to murder) from happening.

This is the priorities of the law enforcement system. They're not interested in preventing crime, because that doesn't make any money. No, they're more interested in putting someone on the registry after the crime (and for nonsensical reasons), because that's where the money is - state funding, federal funding, and that oh-so-precious extortion from the registrant.

"Fire!"

Today, I got a comment on a two-month-old post that was a laughable legal threat - you can read it in the comments to (this post). Small hint: public speech isn't protected by copyright, and public hate speech is even less so.

This, of course, led me to visit one of my favorite places on Facebook, the psycho-Disneyland that is No Peace For Predators. I admit, I haven't been there in a while, mostly because I don't have enough alcohol to combat the stupid endemic in the comments, but I made an exception today. So, what's our favorite "non-violent" vigilante group been up to? For starters, they've been busy putting out warning flyers for various zip codes, listing names, addresses and pictures of sex offenders living in that area - but only so you're aware of who lives in what area. They wouldn't advocate violence against those people, no sir. Breaking into someone's house? That would be wrong.

In my post "The Hit List", I wondered what would happen if someone decided that sacrificing their life to take out one of the "monsters" was an equitable trade. I fear we are getting closer and closer to that time. Some, like the widow of Gary Blanton, would argue that it's already begun.

Constant violent imagery and statements show NPFP's true intentions, and while they themselves may never follow through, their rhetoric may stir the passions and inflame the anger of less well-balanced followers.

This may be free speech, but with the right comes the responsibility - you can't yell "fire" in a crowded movie theater for a reason. Neither can you constantly advocate death for a class of people without bearing some responsibility for what happens when someone inspired by your words takes action.

Expectations

As a registered sex offender, you've got your own cheering squad - the only problem is, they're not cheering for you to succeed. Everyone is looking over your shoulder, just waiting for you to fail, so they can hold you up to the media as the perfect example of just why sex offender laws need to be so tough.

It doesn't get easier if you don't fail, though. They just keep looking over your shoulder, looking for that one little flaw. And if you don't present one, if you do everything just right, then your reward is rejections for employment, reminders of just how badly you screwed up, and further isolation and exclusion.

This is the daily grind for a registered sex offender. It's a never ending cycle that you can't get away from.

I admit that I've felt like giving up. Cashing it all in. Dancing at the end of a rope, going to sleep in my car in the garage, or practicing my swan dive off of a bridge somewhere. Today was one of those days. Then I looked into the eyes of my wife, and saw the love and adoration in her face. I guess I'm one of the lucky ones, because while I have a chorus line rooting against me, they just can't compete with the one person who means the world to me.

And that gives me the strength to go back out there for another round.

Illegitimi non carborundum